Hypothetically Speaking...

Purely hypothetical, mind you, because what husband would be dumb enough to actually tell his pregnant wife in the middle of an argument to, "Shut the fuck up?"

Really? What might happen... hypothetically?

My guess is that karma would kick in within minutes. Perhaps while that husband was taking out the kitchen sink in preparation for a new counter installation. Of course, a man dumb enough to say something like that to his wife is not smart enough to realize that water will gush forth from those kitchen sink pipes. He might scramble to go grab a couple of empty dog bowls (?!) from the garage to collect all that water.

On the other side of the kitchen bar the wife would quietly watch the water flow from under the bar and begin to soak into the carpet. The cat might try to drink some of it and then realize he's helping out a moron and stop and watch the rest of the show.

A couple of very wet towels and many dog bowls later the mess will be cleaned up and the hypothetical husband will resume demo-ing the rest of the old countertops. Just in time for the Geek Squad to show up to wall mount the t.v. and run lots of cables and wires up through the attic and down walls. To hide them, right? Geeks aren't cheap - only an imbecile would fork over all that money for a shoddy looking install job.

Hypothetically, the t.v. will be mounted above the fireplace and the center channel speaker will sit on the mantel. A reasonably intelligent person would tell the Geeks to mount the television so it is barely above the speaker. Why? Because that way you don't see the t.v. power cable running down the wall or the speaker wire running up the wall, that's why. But not this husband, no, he points to a random spot on the wall and says "Here." and looks at his wife for approval.

The wife is too busy trying to shut the fuck up and watches in fascination at what's about to happen. The Geek tries a subtle attempt to correct the situation with a "You sure?" but subtlety is not something this husband picks up on, so he reiterates his random decision to definitely, positively, please God, bolt my 46-inch television into the wall RIGHT HERE. The result is a good 9 inch view of wire and cable running between the t.v. and speaker. Mission accomplished, smart guy!

Hypothetically, the beginning of this whole thing began with the wife's request that maybe the kitchen drawers be removed or covered in some fashion (a plastic grocery bag taped over the silverware drawer, perhaps?) for the duration of the kitchen counter remodel. You know, to keep all that pesky dirt and dust out. Between the drilling and disc grinding a granite countertop installation is an incredibly messy project . Wow, granite dust sure is insidious, isn't it? Looks like tonight the hypothetical husband will be busy cleaning out all those drawers.